Tom had his 18th party with friends last night. The theme was jungle/tribal and the guest rose to the occasion wearing some pretty wild costumes. They were a great crowd. I felt really grateful that my son has great friends. I feel pleased I know them well. I taught many of them in year 7 and they have grown into wonderful young men and women. I enjoyed the night.

I was worried about this party. I held his 16th at my place and there was such a large and unruly crowd of kids, I didn’t think I could watch it again - it was nothing like that though. They have learnt to drink more sanely. They ate food, they danced, they had conversations and a lot of laughter. My ex-husband and his partner did a wonderful job. They created a great atmosphere and I am really grateful to them.

A week before the party the stereo speakers at exes house died and we were worried about getting music at such late notice but I found an ad in the yellow pages Fitzpatricks Lighting and Special Effects (mobile: 0407 955 306) if you live in Gippsland and it was such an easy process to hire a sound system. Aaron has a great set up and made it unbelievably easy.

I was concerned about Sam who was coming over from Perth. Sam was having his first solo interstate trip. Jane his mum was having the first real break from him she’s had since his accident nearly 8 years ago. He’s in a wheelchair and as I had imagined the party would be similar to the previous one, I was afraid he’d end up trapped somewhere in a crowd, and I wouldn’t be able to care for him properly. It didn’t happen. He had a great night and met all Tom’s friends. He told me this morning he’d had the best time.

When I collected the cake on Saturday morning I had a chat with a lady I know with a son who has a disability and she was relating her concerns about the way people perceive and treat him and how frustrating it is. She is like Jane and chooses not to have much support. Her son lives at home with her as well. These women are absolute saints as mothers.

Speaking of mothers, I spent some time with my mum today. She’s taken good care of me lately, cooking, ironing and just listening to my fears. It means a lot to have a mum. My daughter gave me some perfect flanellette pjs today and it was great to spend the morning with her. Happy Mothers Day to all the mothers in the world. Especially all the blogging mum’s whose stories of motherhood move me to tears and laughter. Too many and too lazy to list them all tonight, but they are all listed in my blogroll under friends. It’s such a big job!

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Yesterday at school the staff had a retreat day. We went to a place out of town in the hills. A Sister from the Marist order came to speak to us and draw our attention to the big picture. She asked some great questions and we recalled our intentions as Marist teachers. Our school motto that I love “Strong Minds, Compassionate Hearts”, is one I repeat often to myself and students. I feel it is a grounded and worthy motto. She called us to always remember amidst all the daily annoyances and battles (that she listed and obviously knew having taught for a long time) that ‘each person is an individual, a person with a name, with dignity, as a child of God’.

We often notice amongst ourselves how out of line we are in these ideals and intentions. It’s really challenging to keep it in mind all the time. I can easily see how others don’t do it or just as ineffectively beat myself up for all the recollections of my own shortcomings. I want to realign with that intention and keep at it, without becoming disheartened or cynical. Marcellin Champagnat, the founder of the Marist brothers wrote that you must love children to do this work, and I do. That is why I am happy working in a Marist school and feel it is aligned to who I am.

I was tired beyond explanation and not in the mood to be there. I felt too tired to retreat and struggled to remain focussed. I was too cranky to socialise or be with my fellow staff members. I wanted the retreat to work it’s magic on me, but I didn’t see how it could.

Even as I left I felt the day could have been better spent chipping away at my to do list. Yet after a good nights sleep I can see some of it seeped in regardless of the weariness. I realised I haven’t been taking very good care of myself this week. I haven’t exercised, slept, eaten properly. I’ve forgotten to take my vitamins. It has created a perfect storm and as the week has gone on it’s just been getting worse. This morning I am going to get back on track with it all. I am going to have an epsom salt bath(inspiring by reading this)  after I exercise. I recall overhearing someone asking after a seriously ill collegue and thinking I need to put my troubles into perspective. I enjoyed seeing the large show of autumn in the trees around and my skin still feels the tingle of the crisp air up there.

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I can’t believe my son is 18. I lay in bed last night wondering where all the years had gone and what time he was going to get home! He went out for drinks with his friends after celebrating with the family. I decided that even though he is an adult, I could still send him a text to say “Come home NOW. School tomorrow!’ because he hasn’t got his licence yet and I will be the one who is late if he can’t get up in the morning.

I felt pretty emotional last night about it all. One of his friends mum’s made him this absolutely gorgeous photo collage. She is so talented. She had all these minature photo’s of Tom and concert and event tickets he’d attended (around 150) arranged and printed onto a large poster with lyrics from a song around the border. It was framed and is a work of art. The song “Time of Your Life” by Green Day is a song that reminds me of my grandmother. It always seemed to be on the radio when I visited her in hospital. I felt really touched by the effort Sue had gone to for my boy. I felt like crying, but didn’t because Tom hates it when I cry, and it was his birthday so I exercised self control.

I had the extended family over for dinner. I cooked way too much food and so had mountains of leftovers to deal with. I always stress about feeding other people so usually make too much.

Interestingly I read Cellobella’s post: I’m Fine, Thank You and Grammology’s Are You Able to Cry? and made my comments, yet it still didn’t alert me to the fact that within hours I would be releasing my own pent up emotions on someone at work, and then having a bit of a sob afterward. I find when I am tired and holding on to tears, it usually takes a little anger, to unstop them. 

Fortunately I had a SRC conference to attend shortly after my outburst, which did a great job of distracting me from the little scene I had made. We have a retreat day off campus tomorrow and I think it will be arriving in perfect time for me.

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18 years ago today Tom arrived in the world weighing more than I was led to believe a second child would! I adore him. The years have truly flown! He is a wonderful young man. He’s considerate, thoughtful, hilarious and the most supportive son a mother could wish for. (80% of the time)

My daughter has made an ‘Adult Survival Kit’ for him. It is full of precautionary posters about safe drinking and sex. ‘Don’t do Drugs’ type messages and water, baked beans, noodles, a t-shirt printed with ‘Last Clean Shirt’ and lots of little treats and reminders of his childhood. He’s going to love it.

I have made him a video of photos of his life. I got so much pleasure putting it together, it’s already been a gift for me.

My ex-husband is generously hosting his party with the crowd of friends. I am very grateful for this after surviving the 16th by the skin of my teeth.

So I am prewriting this post cause I’ve been so busy with the party plans and birthday socialising that I’ve barely had time to think. I know it’s only going to hot up, so I’m setting it to publish at the time of his birth.

They grow up so fast!

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Tonight I am putting up www.poohduck.com. I am hopeless at some aspects of blogging and I’ve been trying to get templates worked out and changed how I want them. I just don’t know enough yet! Thankfully Snoskred and Sephiroth have come to my rescue.

I wanted to take advantage of the new moon, so I have. I know I should wait until it is perfect, but I am more of a go for it and apologise if you get it wrong kind of girl, than a seek permission or wait for perfection type.

The last week has been challenging for me. I’ve had sad news, big problems to solve and a sense of pressure and not enough time.   A new moon, a fresh start.

Andy has been taking some wonderful photo’s and I want to share them. If you want to see the world from different eyes, check out poohduck. I’m sure you’ll agree with me that he has a unique view of the world.

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I listened to the second telecall with Stella Woods, a local Melbourne-based astrologer on relationships. Both the conversations she has offered have been sound and practical. She talked about common sense realities of relationships and making it work and attracting the right relationship. Her next call will be on creating vibrant health, if her previous calls are any indication, I would recommend it to you.

Stella talked about online dating sites as limited. I met Andy online and it went well. My recent experiences  not as simple. I communicated with three people and met two. I have no problem with them. It didn’t eventuate into a relationship, yet were pleasant enough experiences, no horror stories to tell (although one was a little funny). No harm done. Stella talked about how participating in online dating sites put yourself in a situation where you are projecting the details about you which are limited. People have checklists, I have a checklist! It is narrow and I don’t want to play that game. None of that stuff matters much. It’s not personal, if I reject someone who is 20 years older than me. The reality is, if I met this person in my day to day life, I might really like him, it’s just that is one of the things I know first up on those sites and I say ‘not interested’.

People go to those sites when they are lonely, or think it’s about time! Some are vulnerable and I’m sure that process of searching, finding, testing, rejecting or being rejected, doesn’t help. You can’t really shop for these things. I must admit I have had some good laughs trawling through the profiles. There are some great writers!

The ways to attract a relationship according to her seem more effective to me. Some key points are to first look at what is stopping you from having a relationship. What hasn’t worked, what are the barriers, what are your negative beliefs? I have a few of those I must admit, so that’s where I’ll be starting. You accumulate experiences that hurt and you need to recognise and remove those.

You can’t change some things about yourself, such as your age, your eye colour, superficial things like that, so it’s best to accept them, rather than hide, disguise them or anguish over them. I don’t want to be judgemental here, but so many people lie or try to discount their age, what’s that about? It would be the lie rather than the age that would turn me off.

You can change other things. If you don’t like something about yourself that can be changed, focus on that. Get fit, read about something that interests you, learn a skill you need in order to become who you want to be. It will shift your focus towards feeling good about yourself and that is the best space to come from when trying to find a partner.

The truth is I don’t want to be ‘dating’. I am busy and love my life. I find it distracts me from more important things in my life, takes too much energy. I do want a long term relationship and all that goes with that, but I’m confident it will arrive at the right time.

Stella also talked about astrologically how Venus and Mars in our charts can influence what we find attractive and how we relate. I find astrology a useful tool for self awareness. I have been reading about it since I was a young person, beginning with Linda Goodman’s ‘Star Signs’ and ‘Love Signs’ as a teenager. I think I loved the way she wrote also. I think I want to be an astrologer when I grow up.

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This new moon in Taurus is a great time to contemplate and set new goals for abundant living. Whenever I use the word abundance, I am reminded of all I have. It’s such a lot to feel grateful for! It is a word that forces me to see I have enough and I am enough. It means an amount that is more than required. Taurus is an earthy sign dealing with physical beauty and the earth’s bounty. I love eating out with a Taurean as they enjoy food and order well. They have great taste in clothing too. I always feel like eating delicious food when the moon is in Taurus.

This month I intend to look at the material goals in my life and set some intentions for having the quality I want. I want to take stock of how my things are expressing my self worth and what choices I am making with the material resources I have available to me. I’ll probably think about making the switch in my shopping and eating habits to more wintery foods like soups and slow cooked food. I like to reflect the seasons in my diet.

Molly’s Astrology for May 2008 has tips for focus on this new moon as well as all the months important astrological events. Celestial Space: Savour the Moment  discusses ways to honour this energy.

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In the last year of his life, my pa told me he’d made an appointment to see our local politician about an idea he had for solving the water problem. He told me to keep it to myself because others would say it couldn’t be done, but he’d thought it through and believed it was a viable option. He told me there was water from the Hydro scheme that was being wasted and not serving any purpose and it was possible to pump it to Victoria. He’d rang me earlier and asked the distance between two points from Tasmania to Victoria. He would occasionally phone me to get information from the Internet. He explained all the details to me, but I honestly didn’t understand half of what he was talking about.

I’d bumped into the local politician a few months later who’d told me he’d met my pa and how impressed his was that someone of his age was still coming up with ideas and trying to solve problems. I think it was one of my greatest sadnesses that I didn’t get to tell pa that as I’m sure he would have appreciated the compliment.

He was born in Tasmania and spent time there in his last few years. In April 2003, I took my kids over and we met him there. He took us to the farm he’d been born at. He showed us the site where he’d been in a train crash that had taken the life of his sister, when he was a child. He took us to her grave. I treasure that time spent with him and feel such appreciation that I was able to join him there and see his special places.

Last night I had a really vivid dream with my pa. When I woke up I had to get reorientated that he had died. This morning in the paper I read ‘Look to Tasmania for Water Answers’. He would be rapt I reckon.

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Winter is not my best season. I know there are plenty of great things about it, but the darkness and cold - it gets me down. I have friends that join me in this and every year we say we are going to get through this winter better. I’ve had in excess of 40 years practice. It’s not going to be so hard! So when I read this post on The Clearing Space: Develop a Stategic Plan for Happiness, I decided to create A Joyful Winter Plan (aka Winter Survival Kit).

I have some suggestions from others to offer first taken from my comments section of ‘Winter Uniforms’:

Karen (The Clearing Space) “… mine would have good books, good music, maybe a nice red wine every now and again, good friends,  going for long walks and a nice mohair throw rug…”

Feline (Reading Circles) ”winter survival tip. listen to the drip drip drip. enjoy the soft light of winter. upgrade the ugg boots. buy a long sleeve woolen spencer. rug up, find some bush, thrill at a cold drop finding its way in despite all the layers down your back. wear a woolen beanie”

Tracey (Why Bother) “Apart from chocolates and soup, my favourite thing is to curl up in a nice warm pair of flannelette pjs: complete with ugg boots…”

These are great suggestions and I would add candles, orange essential oil, ‘The Gilmour Girls’, going to the beach all rugged up, roasts, puddings and a change of routine and decor.  It is dark early tonight and I am tired already, I’ll have to discuss the changes of routine and decor another time. I wanted to get the list in order with plenty of notice for mothers day as Karen cleverly suggested! Hint…hint…

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When I was in Broken Hill a couple of years ago, I saw this sign and had to take a photo. My friend Rhonda and I often say ‘tough love’ after we’ve had to pull our kids back into shape. Sometimes, they just get a little away with themselves. They start taking you for granted, or forget to ask and just expect, or begin to feel sorry for themselves as they feel entitled to privileges.

I didn’t know there was an actual organisation called toughlove. We just nicknamed our ‘putting our foot down’ and ’standing up for our rights’ behaviour as that. I looked at the website and reckon it looks like that is what they are about too! It’s a shame that so much publicity goes to the Corry Worthington’s of the world and not to promoting programs to support parents through tough times. I have not come across this organisation but it sounds like a positive thing. Has anyone had any experience with this group?

Tough isn’t abusive or cruel. It is firm and sticking to your guns. It is setting boundaries and having standards that you mean to uphold. I think kids like boundaries. We all like to know where we stand. It demonstrates that you have a healthy self respect. It’s good modeling for young people to see that you won’t allow them to walk all over you. I think it is responsible parenting. Columnist for ‘The Australian’, Ruth Ostrow, wrote a great post along these lines on the weekend ‘Mum’s Who Kid Themselves’, it reflect on parenting skills in the area of dieting. It’s not about being extreme or over the top with discipline, but sometimes we make rods for our own back, don’t we? I know I have. Even Madonna (according to today’s Age) is into Tough Love.

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