Archive for 12/05/2009

Hard

30/05/2009 Joh family, health

I missed my massage last week. We had a function at school and I couldn’t make it. Today I feel like my body is an unhappy place to live in. Today was another difficult day. It’s difficult in my life right now. The thing is that nothing is bad, or not what I want. I want everything to be going the way it is.

I have faced a challenging situation at work. I wanted it the action to happen. It was the right thing to do. It was in the students best interests. I have wanted it for a long time. It was still difficult though. There is a price to pay and it all came to a head this week, today in particular. I hope it will bring an end to some ongoing problems, yet it will create other ones. I hope they will be easier to manage, but I don’t feel altogether sure or confident.  

Letting go of my son is painful. I adore him. He has been a constant loving presence in my life since he was born. I have always felt loved by him. I feel understood by him. He makes me laugh. He is caring and affectionate. His hugs have revived many a hard day. He forgives me when I am cranky and for countless other parental disappointments over the years. I want him to go out into the world and have adventures. I want it badly for him. I know he is resilient and independent. He has been financially holding his own for the last couple of years. He is well liked and makes friends easily. I am not worried about him because I think he lacks survival skills. I am worried about how I am going to move through my days without him. 

Today I had a few precious moments with Tom before we were interrupted by a visitor. Understandably it seems everyone wants to be around him lately. He told me to list all the things that were stressing me out. As I told him all the little things that had sapped me this week, all the hurts that had been brought to me by the students, the battles won and lost, he just looked into my eyes and he understood. He knows all my secrets. He doesn’t discount the things that give me grief. He doesn’t question why I care. He doesn’t dismiss. He doesn’t even take it on. Even when the visitor left and I expressed how angry I felt at the intrusion, he didn’t judge my irrational rage. He just knows me. I realised even more deeply what a gift he has been in my daily life.

Thank goodness for the internet, mobile phones and flights. I was thinking today about women who had to see their sons off into the world during times without our communication conveniences. It would have been so much harder. I am lucky in comparison. My mum has let go of six children. I have only had to do it twice. It helps to compare.

Popularity: 9% [?]

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Big Day

29/05/2009 Joh astrology

Today was one of those days that went from extreme to extreme. We had drama after drama and I don’t even remember if I ate lunch. I can confidently say I ate a lot of chocolate though. Everytime I passed through the office, I grabbed a bar of the fundraising chocolate. I will be able to log the trips made, by the IOU that I have written on the post-it there! I think Neptune is doing something but I am too tired to look it up. To be honest it began last night and I had a bit of a toss and turn sleep.

On the way to the supermarket tonight I had a bit of weep about Tom leaving on Monday. Most of the time I’m not thinking about it. It’s too much to think about right now. I don’t know how to prepare for it. Saturday night at the 70th I went to, I talked to some of my ’mum’ relatives who had survived the whole empty nest thing. I’ve also talked to a teacher at work, whom I really admire and has been through this. They reassure me that the lead up is the most painful and once they actually go, it’s all ok. I keep trusting they will be right.

I have Darin’s young family on the weekend. I look forward to that ‘in the moment’ energy that little kids create. I feel lucky. I have always had children in my life. I was the eldest of six and when I left home, I moved in with Jane and her daughter Ricki who was just a baby. Then when I moved to the city, Dallis, Wilma’s daughter, was always a part of my days. I don’t know that I’ve ever been without a significant child in my life, since my brother was born 12 months after me. Lucky I don’t have to right now!

Popularity: 9% [?]

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Speaking to Teachers

27/05/2009 Joh relationships

Last night at our staff meeting we talked to the teachers about building positive relationships with students. I had gone over in my head what I wanted to say about it several times since I’d been asked to do it. I didn’t say half of it.  The other person speaking had recently done a great PD and had a pile of useful strategies to share. She spoke the most and spoke really calmly and well….  I was very nervous and felt like my face was seconds away from catching alight. You know your colleagues. You feel you know exactly what each one will say or feel in response to what you say. I find it challenging. Yet my passion for the topic somehow overcame that huge awkwardness.

I think building great working relationships with students is the primary step in being an effective teacher. Once that is handled, classroom management becomes a minor maintenance issue in most instances. Students will do anything for you if you treat them with a little kindness and understanding. They love a sense of humour. A bit like most human beings. We have them for a whole year. It’s long enough to put effort in to make it work.

When I looked at my teacher friends, I know that most of them are great at it. The ones that aren’t, are the suffering teachers who seem to hate the job. I should feel more compassion for them. It’s difficult sometimes because they are the adults, they have the power, ultimately they could have found another job, when they realised they really don’t think much of young people. It doesn’t always make me very popular to express this sentiment. I used to think it was because the kids I was teaching were the same age as my own children, so it was more personal for me. My kids have been gone from my school for years now, and I still feel the same.

Popularity: 9% [?]

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New Moon in Gemini – Sunday 24th May 2009

23/05/2009 Joh astrology

The new moon in Gemini should bring out the mental faculties. I have a 70th to go to tonight of a great uncle, who was more like an uncle to me growing up. My dad is a Gemini also. I have 3 birthday celebrations to attend in the next 3 weeks – they are social people. The other day at work we were talking about the two faced nature of Gemini’s. You do often get the sense that you’re not sure how you will find them. Will they be happy, chatty, witty Gemini, or cool aloof and cutting with their mental wit? One thing that I can definately say about those I know, they have a diversity of ideas and can throw themselves into one interest after another. All the Gemini’s I’ve known can while away hours in conversations that skip through a variety of topics and interests. They love gadgets.

This New Moon has all you need to know about the tone to set your goals for this moon with. Change and communication are the main themes. I am spending some time today alone to make some new moon goals. Darin and Tom are at work and I have some rare solo time this morning before heading off to another Tupperware party my daughter is having. The girl is addicted to tupperware I swear. Oh well… could be worse!

Popularity: 8% [?]

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Exercising

21/05/2009 Joh health

I have started exercising again in the mornings. I have been so slack this year, but when I had that cold a week or so ago, it motivated me. I like feeling fit and healthy. I want that for myself. As soon as I started I realised how much I’d missed it. I lost a bit of fitness, but I’m not as bad as I feared. It’s giving me more energy in my day.

Popularity: 7% [?]

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Every Time I think About

18/05/2009 Joh family

Tom leaving home in a couple of weeks, I feel like crying. He has booked his ticket now though and it’s becoming harder to ignore that he will be heading off. He’s stayed longer than he planned. I am not ready. I missed him when I lived away for a month or so. We’ve slipped easily back into the mother and son routine we have. Now I am preparing to slip back out of it, by not thinking too much about it. When he does something annoying though, I try to remember he won’t be around much longer, so I don’t get as cranky as I once did.

Popularity: 7% [?]

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Teaching Joys

15/05/2009 Joh reading

After all the whinging I’ve done this week about school, I thought I’d share one of my favourite moments I had this week as a teacher. I leant a book to a student who was doing the NAPLAN tests and didn’t have one. She asked me for one so she would look organised. She wasn’t a reader she told me so she didn’t have a novel. I did a quick calculation and grabbed one from my desk that I thought she might like. I don’t know her very well, I don’t even teach her, but she is always friendly in passing and I grabbed one intuitively.

Today she came to me and told me she loved the book and asked if she could borrow it for the weekend. She said she’d taken it home each night and was reading it and it was the best book she’d ever read. I could see in her eyes that she was into it and I was rapt. I love reading. Whenever kids or parents tell me that I have started them reading, I feel my job is done.

Popularity: 7% [?]

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Dark Much?

15/05/2009 Joh work

Tonight we walked down to the shops to get stuff to make risotto (which was v.v.yummy by the way). On our way back through the park, I noticed how dark it was. It was only 5ish. We’d finished dinner and were watching a film by 7pm. It was totally dark and felt like 9! In summer I am lucky to start cooking by 7! Winter is creeping rapidly.

I feel better about work today. I’m over it. I think getting home before 5 tonight helped too. I like to do my corrections, check my emails and check out stuff online such as education blogs and resources for classes at home. When there was more flexibility in our workplace I was often home just after 4 and I would happily do any work stuff interspersed with housework and hanging out with the family all evening. Now that we are having meetings most nights until 5, I’m just not doing any of the above. I feel resentful to be honest. If the meetings were adding value to my learning or organisation, or even effectiveness at doing my job, I would have no problem with them. They are not though. I feel like I am being held captive. I find it difficult to stay awake even. Anyway… enough of that, I’ve got long service leave in around six weeks, perhaps I really do need it.

Popularity: 8% [?]

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Direct Message

14/05/2009 Joh work

Warning… this is a total rant.

 For a long time now I have been hesitant to grumble too much about work. I am concerned people I work with would read my blog and recognise themselves and feel hurt or exposed or upset about what I have written. The thing is that mostly I go directly to the people who upset me and let them know that I am not happy with whatever. Really there would be no surprises for them if I did complain about them on my blog. They would know exactly who they were and I would just be advertising to the world how much they annoyed me. The other thing is that no one from my work, reads my blog.  Not to say they don’t know I blog, just to say they don’t read it… clearly not interested… too busy with other things.

Unlike our staff meetings where there are general complaints made about all kinds of things. I have noticed that everyone questions themselves about whether the complaints are referring to them. I don’t think it is because we are paranoid. I think it is human nature,  if a problem is mentioned, such as people being too negative, people who have complained about anything will feel they are a problem. Is it wrong to complain about things that are wrong?

I would prefer to have someone directly go to the people they feel are destructive. I think this approach makes people feel shut down. Whilst that may seem a good thing, when things are not right, sometimes criticism is in order. I have to say on my blog, because there is nowhere else I can express it … I am not happy with the place I work. If it weren’t for the students… and the staff members who express to me how they really feel feel (quite a few more than I expected) I would be running screaming from the building.

Popularity: 6% [?]

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Friendship Revisited

12/05/2009 Joh friends

I have recently caught up with an old friend I worked with around 15 years ago. I have only spent the briefest of times with her lately. Last time I saw her, we were interupted about 20 times (hyperbole) and had a quick coded conversation in between people wanting our attention elsewhere.

Today at work, when I was feeling a bit like I’d rather be somewhere else, she texted me with a reassuring message about a problem I’d mentioned to her. She has been through a similar situation. Although I have spent no time in between with her, she is still a great friend. It’s weird how people come in and out of your life. Our lives have totally changed.  I lost touch with her because I moved away. I’ve been back quite a few years, but our paths hadn’t crossed. Now they have again and I am glad.

Popularity: 6% [?]

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