Happy Birthday Tom!
My son is 20 today. I don’t get to see him which is a pity, but when I talked to him today he thanked me for having him because he loves his life. That makes me feel really good. He also gave me some other good news but I’m not sure if I can release it yet. One of his close mates has flown up to Hamilton Island for the weekend so he has days off to celebrate. It took a lot of willpower to resist getting on a plane and going there myself. Last we spoke there were big party plans so I figured I probably would just feel frustrated at not getting to spend enough time with him myself and managed to control my longing to see him.
I can’t believe it’s been 20 years. It’s flown! I can’t imagine my life without him. He has brought such bliss and fun to my life. So many happy memories. I miss him so much, yet I know he’s in a good place and it gives me more joy knowing that, than it would if we were living together still and arguing about mess and noise. An occasional visit to exchange hugs, news, laughs, music and other important finds is probably a good space to be in at this stage of our lives. I have to be realistic. Gosh I would love to hug him today though!
I did enjoy this photo of him and Meagz… they look so happy and well!
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Stopping
On Boxing Day I went to my brother’s house in Lara for a family gathering. It’s the first time I’ve been there and it was great to see him and his wife and the beautiful home they have made. I enjoyed hanging out with my four brothers. It’s not that often they are altogether. They are all so different. I had Asha for company from Melbourne as we travelled to and from her place together. It was great to have a bit of one on one time with her after all the bustle and coming and going of the week. I can’t help but admire her when I spend time with her.
Darin went to watch the start of the Sydney to Hobart but was disappointed by the weather conditions as they couldn’t get out. He arrived home today. It’s his birthday. I don’t envy him having a birthday on this date. Today we have just lay around watching DVDs. It was good to have a recovery day, but I couldn’t help feeling we should be celebrating his birthday in a more lively and social manner. This year he has supported my whole family in making our celebrations more memorable each of us in different ways. I did manage to cook dinner though and poke an abundance of those skinny candles into a cake for him. It was low key though. I did him another favour by not singing happy birthday to him. I know…kind!
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Full Moon in Gemini – Wednesday 2nd December 2009
Yep a full moon on my birthday, what a gorgeous gift from the cosmos! As I walked home tonight from dinner in it’s glow I felt very blessed. I felt enourmous gratitude for all the wonderful and beautiful greetings I have received today. I have felt celebrated by my friends and family.
There is much going on in the skies. Aquarius Papers can fill you in on all you need to know. I must admit though, the message I have felt most strongly today came from Yasmin Boland, it’s not in a blog, so if you don’t read it today, you won’t get it. What I got from it and it is very pertinent for me right now is that it’s a good time to think about how my thought are making my life. When I examine my thinking, I know I am negative at times and this flows into negative speaking which creates a harder time than need be sometimes. I am committed to changing that. It is my birthday wish for myself.
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Counting Down
Yep, it’s less than a week until my birthday. I have revived my childhood habit of counting down the days. Well I’ve been doing it most of my life to be honest but I’ve just not been putting it out there (never had the internet then!). I know most people are counting down to Christmas, but those of us with birthdays in December will put off doing that until after our birthday if they are anything like me! I have refused to put up our Christmas tree until after my birthday, and then when my daughter came along on the 10th of December I wanted to wait until after that as well, so as not to mix up the celebrations. Darin’s is on the 27th, so that leaves a very slender gap for Christmas festivities, but hey, birthdays are important too!
I’ve been thinking about what being 43 has meant to me. Massive change is what comes to mind. Unexpected outcomes is another way I could describe this year. I expected I would be heading off to the UK to travel the world when Tom left home, yet before he moved on, I was creating for myself a reason to stay. It has all turned out differently than I thought. There have been changes to my home life, personal life and work life. I am happy with the changes and as unexpected as they all were, I couldn’t have planned them better than if I had a magic wand.
Much of what has occurred in my life this year I have kept to myself. Today I was talking to students about keeping their private life private. I hope I set an example of doing that because to be honest, I am concerned about the lack of privacy young people are demonstrating today. I read a lot of things online that aren’t considered thought. I love the internet and the opportunities to share things of value, but I worry about the lack of thought that appears to go into some electronic communications. I don’t blame the tools, I want to educate young people about the potential consequences.
I’ve learnt a lot this year about what is important to me. Parenting has been my primary role for nearly 20 years. When Tom left home this year things changed. Letting go is not all bad. It’s amazing how each year you look back and although it seems to have flown by at some level (although this year hasn’t had that feel to be honest), you still have seen a lot of change in your world.
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Stormy
It’s the first night I have been home alone for quite a while, not that I’m complaining. Darin has gone to celebrate his son’s 8th birthday with his kids and their mum. I was planning all kinds of things… until the power went out. It was all thunder and lightening and possibly even hail, not that I went out to check or anything. It was a bit eerie at one point, just wind and sirens. This year has been kind of insane with all the extremes of weather. I had a candlelit bath and by the time I was ready to get out the power was back. So all is good.
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The Weekend
I finished my reports late on Friday. It took me a bit longer than usual and I think it’s because I was a bit chatty during the day and distracted myself with several long enjoyable chats with friends in the staff room. No real harm done though, I got them finished! It was probably a good thing for me to realise there is a boundary to how much I can put it off.
We had Darin’s beautiful children for the weekend and I had a great day playing on Saturday. We went shopping and I enjoyed buying some clothes for them. I really notice the difference. It’s been a long time since I’ve said “That’s cool” and had a kid agree with me. Shopping with teenagers is ridiculous, so I am totally enjoying this lovely, agreeable time. The experience of having small children around is so different and yet wonderful. I feel much calmer than I did with my own two. I am having fun, but feeling a bit old and tired sometimes also. I am also getting insight into the other side of the fence. I understand more now why my ex-husband’s partner behaved the way she did towards me. It’s not as easy as it looked to me back then. There are different pains. I hate it when the kids leave, it’s sad for everyone. The longer I know them, the more attached I am to them.
Last night I had a party to go to and I felt too tired. Darin stayed at home with the kids and Wii. I went, but I really would have preferred to be at home. It was a close friend I both admire and adore, or I would have made an excuse. Maureen is the most amazing woman and has probably been one of the best supports to me as a teacher for her fun and logical approach to education and her great love of students that I share. I can’t believe she is sixty, she has always looked amazing. I remember when she taught me at school, admiring her style, and I still do.
I got to catch up with both of the young adult children this weekend. Ash dropped in to collect her tupperware and I enjoyed catching up with her. She’s been doing rounds in a child care centre. I think it’s slave labour that they work there for four weeks and don’t get paid. She hasn’t been able to work at any of her part time jobs, so it makes it pretty difficult for uni students financially. She is so positive though and I feel really proud of the way she talks about education and children. She is passionate and enthusiastic. I spoke with Tom on the phone and he assures me he managed his washing quite well. He’d read my blog post earlier this week and thought it was very funny that it had been on my mind in the wee hours of the morning. He is meeting lots of people and sounds infected with a bug for travelling. It was good to hear his voice. I’ve had a few little cries this week, missing him, but mostly I’m glad he’s happy. It’s hard to get reception where he is so when I do catch him on the phone it’s always a treat.
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Full Moon in Scorpio – Saturday 9th May 2009
Mystic Medusa has some great posts on the coming full moon, but my favourite has to be this one. Do read the other posts though because I know I have noticed some of the control stuff going on around me and I find comfort in knowing it is an astrological trend… so will therefore pass.
Linda Hills Sabian Symbols combines the Mercury Retrograde and Full Moon to reveal the energies in Getting it Right the First Time: May’s Scorpio Full Moon and Mercury Retrograde. Most of what I’ve read has secrets being outed and truths being told.
I think this weekend could be one of those ones where the insights come thick and fast. I have a cold. I come home early from work yesterday and spent today lying around mostly. I think my weekend will proceed in the same manner. All that doing nothing creates a lot of thinking time for me. I feel like I’ve been rushing around all over the place lately so a quiet weekend is called for. I have big things to think about.
It was Tom’s 19th birthday yesterday. Last night Darin cooked an amazing dinner, I helped a bit. We had Tom’s dad and his partner and a handful of his closest friends. I’m learning a lot about cooking from Darin. It’s great. Mostly the eating is the best part though. The pasta sauce was divine, especially out of the pot with crusty bread dipped into it. I am well fed. Tonight we had the leftover prawns as cutlets and they were crunchy, hot and didn’t make it to the plate. Tom is in heaven – food wise.
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Jay’s 21st
Last night I went to my youngest cousin’s 21st birthday. He also graduated yesterday, so it was a big day for him. He is 9 months older than my daughter and I have memories of my two children and Jay happily spending time together at family gatherings, not hearing a peep from them. It was a good party and I enjoyed myself… perhaps a little too much! Darin has met parts of my family now and he survived. Not everyone was there, as usual… my mum has a large family, but that was probably less overwhelming.
Today I have done a little cleaning, need to do a lot more. I can’t believe there are less than three weeks until the school holidays. I am looking forward to them. This last month has been awesome, so good that I want a rest! The next three weeks will be busy no doubt, interim report writing, parent-teacher interviews and all the end of term things that come rushing in!
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Yesterday
My daughter was born 20 years ago, yesterday. She has always been such a gift to me. I am intensely proud of who she is and at times I wonder what I ever did to deserve her. She was born on the same birthday as one of my favourite people in the world, my Uncle Jack, who was my godfather. Growing up, our family spent a lot of time with our cousins and they were very good times.
Recently in my year 7 class, I had my students sharing their Christmas stories. One of them asked me about my stories and I brushed her off saying I’m not much into Christmas. She asked me why and as teens do, wouldn’t let it rest. This is one of the things I love about them!
In an attempt to be positive, I started to tell her about the wonderful Christmas Eves of my childhood. Uncle Jack was Dutch and we celebrated Christmas with their family of nine children and our six as well as grandparents and extended family. He was a really happy person and their place was full of fun. Santa came, great food, abundance of presents, lots of jokes and all in all everything you would wish for at Christmas.
On my sixteenth Christmas Day, Uncle Jack died of lung cancer. He was in his early 40s. He had nine children. The oldest was a couple of months older than me. Tears came as I shared this with my class. It is a long time ago and I rarely see that family anymore. Life took us all in different directions. It was a very special and good childhood memory of all those Christmas times that I had tried not to think about because of the grief.
I realised I have been a bit of a Grinch type character at Christmas. I avoid big celebrations. I have got away with it being divorced and having to share my kids with my ex husband who I’ve relied on to ‘do’ Christmas for the kids. He has done a great job of it as have my family. I have not. It was 26 years ago now though and I really do need to get over it.
I still think it was pretty unfair though. I still adore the memory of my Uncle and yet know logically he would have hated the way I’ve been. His own children have put on a better show of Christmas, I need to grow up! So I am going to get into it more.
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Happy Birthday Asha
Today my daughter turned 20. Her birth is one of my favourite memories. I was so excited about her that I stayed awake for 24 hours. The hospital was really busy that day and I was the only natural, uncomplcated birth that day so I had a male nurse deliver her in what we joked about was a broom closet. She was born at 10 past 10 on the 10th. Obviously very special.
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