Tag Archive for exes

Pyjama’s, Cancerian’s and Babies

18/07/2010 Joh astrology, friends, home, random

Today I put my pj’s under my pillow after I made my bed. I’m sure I haven’t done that since I was a kid. I was actually amused when I thought about how I’d done it when I was a kid and then not ever since I left home. They have usually been left on the floor or draped across the bed, on the bathroom floor etc. It’s not a bad idea… I get it now! I asked Darin if he did the PJ’s under the pillow thing when he was a kid and yes he did too. Did you?

I visited one of my Cancerian friends tonight. I have decided that my female cancerian friends have more power tools than most men I know. They are capable around the home and can achieve any home improvement project with apparent ease. Not only are they the caretakers of their family but their homes as well. They can certainly do it themselves. I am always well fed in their homes and comfortable to be me.

My weekend has been great so far. On Friday we got the good news about mum’s tests and I think that has really topped everything else off. My kids have a new sister. It has created huge excitement. Amelie was born on Tuesday. It was kind of weird for me. How do you behave when your ex husband has a new baby. I swung between absolute excitement for my children and reminding myself that it was none of my business really. A big part of me wanted to rush out to the hospital and have a cuddle of my kids new sister… but really that’s probably not appropriate. It would be imposing I imagine. I am really happy for Shane and Di though. I know they will enjoy her and she will be a celebrated addition to the family.

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Small children, small problems

20/03/2010 Joh family

I remember when my kids were little. I was tired. The sleeplessness blew everything out of proportion and I felt my life was over at times. In all seriousness, it was never going to be the same again, so I was partly on to what was going on! Many of the older wiser people around me would say to me small kids, small problems. My pa, my dad and my elderly neighbour Laurie I remember clearly, saying this to me. I felt like screaming at the time. I felt unravelled and as though they had no idea. Now I can see what they mean.

Tonight I collected the kids while Darin was at work. The middle child, E (5) has started school this year and she was obviously overtired (almost the end of first term) and upset when her mum left her with me at Karate, which is J (8)’s new activity. My own experience with my kids told me that it would be fleeting and I was ok with it. I couldn’t help but feel for her mum though. I remember clearly that separation stuff. It felt so heartbreaking to leave a crying child, begging for you to stay. It happened at childcare, at the start of school for one of my children and sometimes when they went to thier dad’s or when they were coming back to me from thier dad’s. It was hard. Now it is me doing the crying as I wave goodbye to my ‘adult’ child.

When your kids are small, they wear you out. You worry about all kinds of things. It is nothing compared to the powerlessness of having adult children. I miss them. I am proud of them. Even when they are home, it will never be the same. I will never sleep that sleep knowing they are safe in thier beds, no matter how tiring the day has been or how late it was when they eventually got there.

I enjoy being able to put a smile on Darin’s kids’ faces with a chocolate or a trip to McDonalds. It’s still tiring, but I have perspective now and it makes all the difference. I love and appreciate the simple things like kissing a hurt better,  a tickle or a rhyme to light up a small chocolate stained face. Tonight we watched ‘Free Willy 3′ …ah the memories…. and they are not so big they scoff at me shedding a tear:-).

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Back to Bourke Rd

05/01/2010 Joh gratitude

When I first went to Melbourne as a young person, I lived in Bourke Road, Camberwell. I shared a house with friends from here. I lived with the father of my children there. I was working in the city and had a tram stop by the front door. It was a relatively short walk to the train station at Camberwell, but as I explained to my daughter today, my laziness usually made me take the tram, which was slower, but less of a walk at either end. My daughter is currently house sitting nearby and today I went to visit her there.

We had lunch in a restaurant that was frequented by us all those years ago. “Sophies” has doubled in size and the pasta was as plentiful as I remembered it. After eating for what seemed like ages, there was still enough to feed another person left on the plate. We had to walk away or risk explosion. We strolled down Bourke Road and many of the shops still existed, others were new. There were new alleys and arcades of shops. It was an interesting revisit.

I love spending time with my daughter. I am so proud of her self-sufficiency. She is independly putting herself through university and has great relationships. She has improved her financial circumstances each year, whilst still doing well at uni and has made a great and supportive network of people. I wish I could totally support her and I probably could have.

Both of my children have wanted to be independent once they left school. My ex husband has helped out as I have at times, but their intention is to take care of themselves and I appreciate that. I look around at other parents who have their children living at home for years and I feel quite blessed that they want to go out in the world and make their own way. I think they are happier and have freedom for taking this stance. They feel more accomplished and responsible and that works well for everyone. They appreciate what they have and when I compare it to what I had when I took a similar stance at their ages, it is abundance. I think the struggle is part of the adventure at least it was for me. It enables me to help when it’s really needed and not feel taken for granted.

I enjoyed my solitary driving today. I realised how blessed I feel about my life. I listened to my music and contemplated my life and all the riches in it. I felt truly pleased. I never thought I’d get to this point.

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Progress and Exes

28/12/2009 Joh family, friends, gratitude

I have been really productive today. I have cleaned the house and attended to a few overlooked personal matters that I have been putting off. I have downloaded all my photo’s from my camera and my mum’s and put some on facebook for the family to see. I also put my little clip from Asha’s 21st on for the family only… she is still a bit wary, but so many wanted a copy, it seemed the easiest way.  I found my iPod! It had been used at the party for the music and whilst I remembered grabbing it, I couldn’t find it anywhere. It was in dad’s car!

I have resumed my exercise today and didn’t do as poorly as I expected. I think the cough I had for most of last term has finally subsided! I chatted with my friends today. It was great to talk to them and bring them up to speed with my fast changing life and hear about theirs also. 

I took a risk today. I made Darin and his mum a clip of the photos and small snatches of video I’d taken of his children throughout the year. I was pretty happy that Darin enjoyed it so much. I haven’t got it to his mum yet because she lives in Sydney and I only finished it Boxing Day. Darin’s ex, the mother of his children sent a beautiful gift of home baked goodies to me on Christmas Day. She also put one in for my daughter. I was so touched by this gesture. I sent her a copy of the clip when he went to visit today. She cried when she watched it and said it was the best gift she’d received all year. It made me feel good.

I have to admit there have been challenging times for me this year. I’ve been the ex and I haven’t always treated my exes new partner with the respect she deserves. Mostly to be honest, I’ve just ignored her, after making a few attempts that weren’t well received. I have felt wary of Darin’s ex. I have projected my own attitude on to her. She has really shown the way though and has always been polite and helpful to me. She is the mother of these precious children and as the primary care giver, it is also her influence that makes them such great kids to be around. I realise these situations will always be fraught with emotional responses, but I hope this is the start of a relationship that will ultimately benefit all involved.

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No Rush

29/06/2009 Joh gratitude, holidays

The weekend was fun. I really love having the kids. I’m kind of surprised as I never expected what fun it would be to have little kids back in my life. I thought I was happy to have a child free life. Maybe I was just trying to convince myself of that because I thought it was my reality. We go to the park, play games, watch kids movies and the conversations are simple and sweet. There’s lots of laughing and silliness and I feel very blessed to be included this young family. Darin is a great dad and I enjoy watching him with them also. It’s a refreshing thing to have these fortnightly guests. All other concerns get pushed aside to be in the moment with three excited individuals. I feel sad when they go home, so I’m feeling a lot more empathy for my ex and his partner because now I’m on the other side of the fence. I agree it is the easier side in terms of daily care and responsibility, yet there’s still a price to pay.

This morning I woke up early. I just can’t sleep in and waste my precious leisure time. I will have afternoon naps if I feel tired, they are more indulgent to me. I read my emails and feeds. I really read them, not skimming quickly for important stuff, read and comprehended. I feel the released from the rush of my everyday life. When Darin left for work I exercised and it felt great to have the time to do that. I love exercising, but not enough to squeeze it in when I’m tired and stressed….silly me.  Everything is chosen and deliberate and it feels amazing. I have no definate plans yet many possibilities and it’s the way I love my life to be.

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Full Moon in Scorpio – Saturday 9th May 2009

09/05/2009 Joh astrology, friends

Mystic Medusa has some great posts on the coming full moon, but my favourite has to be this one.  Do read the other posts though because I know I have noticed some of the control stuff going on around me and I find comfort in knowing it is an astrological trend… so will therefore pass.

Linda Hills Sabian Symbols combines the Mercury Retrograde and Full Moon to reveal the energies in Getting it Right the First Time: May’s Scorpio Full Moon and Mercury Retrograde.  Most of what I’ve read has secrets being outed and truths being told.

I think this weekend could be one of those ones where the insights come thick and fast. I have a cold. I come home early from work yesterday and spent today lying around mostly. I think my weekend will proceed in the same manner. All that doing nothing creates a lot of thinking time for me. I feel like I’ve been rushing around all over the place lately so a quiet weekend is called for. I have big things to think about.

It was Tom’s 19th birthday yesterday. Last night Darin cooked an amazing dinner, I helped a bit. We had Tom’s dad and his partner and a handful of his closest friends. I’m learning a lot about cooking from Darin. It’s great. Mostly the eating is the best part though. The pasta sauce was divine, especially out of the pot with crusty bread dipped into it. I am well fed. Tonight we had the leftover prawns as cutlets and they were crunchy, hot and didn’t make it to the plate. Tom is in heaven – food wise.

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Living it

02/05/2009 Joh relationships

My new life bears little resemblance to my old one. Again! I understand change and I thought I loved it. I am not keeping up. There are lots of great things about the changes. Things I chose and want, good things. I feel I can’t even begin to be personal on my blog anymore because everytime I go to write something it seems like it’s not me. My life is not me. It’s a weird sensation. I feel like I would have to explain it. I can’t explain some things because they are not mine to explain.

I have new people in my life. I like them. It’s just different. I have small children occasionally. I am reading mummy bloggers and realising that the N/A that I used to feel, no longer applies. I get it again and not as a memory of my kids who are now new adult type people (yes, slowly coming to terms with that one too). There is an ex in my life, and I find myself on the other side of the sharing children fence. Occasionally I feel like karmic retribution is in play. It’s not always fun to be in this position I now am. It’s challenging at times. I have a new appreciation for my exes partner. I think I will tell her so, next time I see her. Scary thought. Maybe not.

My stuff and routines have all been shaken up and they haven’t quite settled in their new places yet. I am not at ease with them. I’m still tweaking. I feel old to think like this.

I go to school and it feels weird cause that has mostly stayed the same, but I am not. I was planning to leave there and now I am staying. I was enjoying the thought of leaving to be honest. Maybe I need to change that once these other changes have settled in. I think I am having a moment today!

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Stripping Wallpaper

06/01/2009 Joh family

I’ve spent most of the day stripping the second layer of paper from the walls of the upstairs spare bedroom today. When I first moved into my home, the three bedrooms had really disgusting vinyl wallpaper on them. Not anything that I could live with, that’s for sure. I got straight into ripping off the outer vinyl layer of paper. I then spent a lot longer soaking and removing all the paper and glue traces in my bedroom.

Asha’s room was finally completed last year when Tom moved in there and he and his dad prepared it for painting, and then painted it. My ex-husband is always very particular about his handyman jobs so it was very well done. I’m not sure how I managed to get away with that, but I think Tom’s super influencing abilities won him over. Whose ex-husband paints a room in their house for them?

As I am preparing my house to let it out whilst I am away, I have to paint my bedroom and the other bedroom upstairs.  There was wallpaper on the ceilings of those upstairs rooms and I can’t tell you how much my arms ache from a day of it. I’m not finished yet either. My dad called in to help and brought me a step ladder. That helped a lot actually because I’d been using a rocking chair cause I was too lazy to bring a more stable chair upstairs. I’m like that. A health and safety nightmare.

I really appreciate my parents. They are so supportive of each of us to achieve whatever it is we want to do. I watched mum stress about Kate being away and I know she’ll fret about me just as much, but they still support us to do what we want to do. I feel unconditionally loved by them. All six of us live very different lifestyles and some hugely different to theirs and yet we are all helped out in different ways. I’ve only recognised that and appreciated it lately. I used to think everyones parents were like that.

I moved into this house 5 years ago and did plenty in the first year. Then I met Andy. He distracted me! I did pay someone to paint the kitchen whilst he was here, but in all honesty my redecorating came to a virtual standstill during this period. We were always going away to interesting places during the holidays and I rarely have enough left over energy during the term. 

I kind of like doing it though. I like seeing the improvement. I think a lot. Today I was thinking about the things that room has seen in the years we’ve lived here. I had my music up loud and I was remembering when Tom was learning the baritone saxophone and how the noise (and in the beginning it was just noise) would fill the whole court. I was remembering how relieved I was when the old guy on the corner told me he was in the city band and loved hearing the sound of the kids practising their instruments. Asha learnt the drums and flute so there was a lot of practising sounds. I can’t say I loved them.

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Dear Readers

10/07/2008 Joh blogging, friends, holidays, home

Lots of wonderful commenting whilst I’ve been in and out these holidays. I appreciate them all and I usually like to comment back, but I haven’t. My apologies… I feel too far behind now. So I’m calling on your generosity to forgive this oversight and let you know I love getting all of your comments, especially when I’m away!

 These holidays have been quite busy for me. Today I intended to clean my home, but I’ve just managed to tidy it and deal with the clothes washing. I also started dealing with that pile of Autumn leaves I’ve been hanging onto! I figure I have the weekend to get back into the routine life, so I’m taking it pretty easy.

Today has been a big adventure from start to finish (and it’s not over yet). I’ve been to the chiropracters, which was great because for the second time in the row, I got the feedback that I was in great condition. My chiropractor does kinesiology too and she is away at the moment and the man who replaced her, using the same techniques, came to the same conclusion. That made me feel good.

I enjoyed a bit of a comedy of errors with my son and his lost wallet only discovered when he was at the hairdressers, so I did the decent mother thing and turned up with the card to pay for his release, after retracing his steps and having all his friends search their homes and cars for it, whilst he sat in front of the mirror getting the latest arrangement to his hair.

I went to the shopping centre briefly and saw lots of students who greeted me cheerfully. One little collection even asked me if I wanted to hang out with them, which was amusing, I politely declined.

I bumped into an ex, which was astonishing. The reason for my surprise is that when we separated, I never saw him again and thought he had moved away or something. Although my kids occasionally mentioned they’d seen him, I never did. It felt like seeing someone I thought had died. Well today he passed me on the street, plain as day, we acknowledged one another and it felt very, very weird. I reflected on the months after we parted that I hoped to bump into him, looking out for him everywhere I went. There he was and I had no desire to say anything – just felt weird.

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Get off the Road!!

15/05/2008 Joh family, relationships

p plateMy recently turned 18 son has his licence. He has my old car. He is out there. Don’t say you weren’t warned.

It was tense today as we sat at the local VicRoads office waiting for the calculations to be done to determine whether he was going to get it or not. I asked him how he went as soon as he came in and the look was deflating. He felt he’d blown it. Eventually the tester returned and after a few seconds, during which I am sure I saw her observe his pain, in that powerful way that people do, who know they have control for 5 minutes, she smiled and congratulated him.

Tonight when I arrived home from work, not surprisingly he wasn’t home. I called him and he happily told me he was at McDonalds with his friends. I remember the freedom when I got my licence. It was a great feeling. Shortly afterward, his dad phoned to ask me about what boundaries I’d set. “He’s already been booked” he told me. “WHAT!!” was my stunned reply. I won’t go into the conversation I had with the ex, because we sometimes differ on occasions like this. I did question myself after that call though and wonder if I had been irresponsible as a parent.

When Tom arrived home, I asked him what had happened. He was outraged. He got pulled over on a very busy street in our town, and many people observed it and had got on the phone to spread the news. His passenger and friend had her seatbelt across her arm instead of over her shoulder. He didn’t get booked. He wasn’t speeding or doing anything wrong. I think it’s all kind of amusing. I hope he’s not reading this though, because he is far from amused.

On a serious note though, it is scary. I can no longer say to either of my children, “Don’t get in the car with “P” platers, cause they are “P” platers! I just have to trust they will be safe and in another small way, let go. I am very happy for him. Freedom is a wonderful thing.

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