Love Hurts
I have spent the evening with one of my close friends who lost her brother this week. A student from one of our schools (Marist) died this week. There were many students this week feeling it. Another close friend lost a brother in law. I don’t personally know any of these people but I have met some of them. Their loss doesn’t hurt me except through seeing my friends suffer.
When we lose someone we love, it is an incredible opportunity for the survivors to share how they feel about that person and about each other. That is what I have witnessed. I have never forgotten when my grandfather died some August’s ago the love that I felt from my year 9 class and my friends. I really appreciated their support and kindness. Those students are now my year 12′s. I remember their goodness.
I had a year 10 student today asking my advise about what kind of message he should leave on his friend’s facebook page. Our students are not meant to access facebook in class, but sometimes there are more important things than the school rules. In a very respectful tone, I asked him who he thought would read that message on facebook and how they would feel about what he wrote. He was no longer communicating to her, it was her loved ones that he needed to consider, when he left his final note. That is the most important literacy to me. The literacy of the heart in the times of the greatest vulnerability.
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Full Moon in Aquarius – Monday 26th July 2010
It’s not an eclipse or anything major, yet this full moon packs something as you would know if you read astrogrrls take on it. The other site I recomment is as usual Lynda’s. One day soon I will share with you all my dawning truths. Aquarius, what can I say? I find them all different, it is the one star sign I find it difficult to say anything about to be honest. I guess they are unpredictable.
I had a beautiful weekend with the kids. I enjoyed going to the park and watching the karate kid trilogy, well up to halfway through number 3 anyway, with them. They are such fun to be with. I feel very blessed to share their lives.
Mum and dad are heading back to the northern part of the country for the sun and warmth and I caught up with them today so dad could tease me:-)
All is well in my world.
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Empty House
Darin’s gone back to work, his parents and children have returned to their respective homes. I am home alone. It’s very quiet here. I’ve enjoyed a great Easter with a house full of people. I have eaten too well and laughed and shared stories, stayed up too late and now it’s all over. It’s so heart warming to me to watch the kids with their grandparents. I had a great relationship with mine, and watching them brought back those wonderful, indulgent times that grandparents are renown for:-).
I feel lucky to still have a few days holidays to enjoy.
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A Week of Not Much to Say
Life is just going along…. well. I feel peaceful. Holidays are coming and I’m not watching the clock so to speak. It’s good. I’m exercising and keeping up with things at home and at school. There is a nice balance going on. I got a haircut on Friday. I am happy with it. I like my new hairdresser too. She didn’t talk too much.
Last weekend with the kids was great. I got to collect them from karate. J (8) has started and it was great to watch. Asha and Tom did karate and I spent many hours watching, especially Asha because she persisted with it for a lot longer. Soccer on Saturday was just delightful. All these little, little people kicking the balls around. Lots of laughs and J kicked 6 goals so he felt very good about it all, as you can imagine. They talked to their grandmother on Skype which was magic to watch. Especially R (3), once the other two had moved away and she got some time. She was quite chatty and relaxed with it all.
Tom survived the cyclone on the weekend. I was really pleased he called me before and after to say everything was ok. It was really considerate of him. I haven’t heard from him much this week, but I guess I know now that he will keep me informed if he needs to, so I am more relaxed about that now.
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Pruning
After attending the Cybersafe training day on Thursday I have pruned my facebook of all current students. I was reluctant to do that because I felt that I was a responsible user of social networking, but the implications and lack of control over what others post, creates vulnerabilities for teachers. I like to be socially inclusive. If a person I know requests to be my friend, I would need to have a clear reason for saying no. It’s easier to have no current students than to make judgement calls.
Greg Gebhart the facilitator is very knowledgeable and I highly recommend his site IT Vision for educators. I have completed a few IT courses with Greg over the past few years. He is a great resource to teachers having been a teacher and possessing a practical and grounded view of how to work with IT in schools.
I have also pruned my twitter account on the same basis. I’ve rid my feed of all the people I don’t read or aren’t really interested in as well as students. I don’t read my twitter feed that often though to be honest so I’ve created groups. The great thing about having different groups is that if I only check it once a week or so, I don’t miss as many posts in the areas I’ve created because the fewer amount of people makes it easier to catch up. Does that make sense?
I have also discovered a whole branch of my family on facebook this week. I think social networking is great. I love staying in touch with people who live all over the place. Although I generally have no time for reality TV, a family member is on ‘So You Think You Can Dance’ (vote Nick!), so I’ve been keeping up with his progress.
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Progress and Exes
I have been really productive today. I have cleaned the house and attended to a few overlooked personal matters that I have been putting off. I have downloaded all my photo’s from my camera and my mum’s and put some on facebook for the family to see. I also put my little clip from Asha’s 21st on for the family only… she is still a bit wary, but so many wanted a copy, it seemed the easiest way. I found my iPod! It had been used at the party for the music and whilst I remembered grabbing it, I couldn’t find it anywhere. It was in dad’s car!
I have resumed my exercise today and didn’t do as poorly as I expected. I think the cough I had for most of last term has finally subsided! I chatted with my friends today. It was great to talk to them and bring them up to speed with my fast changing life and hear about theirs also.
I took a risk today. I made Darin and his mum a clip of the photos and small snatches of video I’d taken of his children throughout the year. I was pretty happy that Darin enjoyed it so much. I haven’t got it to his mum yet because she lives in Sydney and I only finished it Boxing Day. Darin’s ex, the mother of his children sent a beautiful gift of home baked goodies to me on Christmas Day. She also put one in for my daughter. I was so touched by this gesture. I sent her a copy of the clip when he went to visit today. She cried when she watched it and said it was the best gift she’d received all year. It made me feel good.
I have to admit there have been challenging times for me this year. I’ve been the ex and I haven’t always treated my exes new partner with the respect she deserves. Mostly to be honest, I’ve just ignored her, after making a few attempts that weren’t well received. I have felt wary of Darin’s ex. I have projected my own attitude on to her. She has really shown the way though and has always been polite and helpful to me. She is the mother of these precious children and as the primary care giver, it is also her influence that makes them such great kids to be around. I realise these situations will always be fraught with emotional responses, but I hope this is the start of a relationship that will ultimately benefit all involved.
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Stopping
On Boxing Day I went to my brother’s house in Lara for a family gathering. It’s the first time I’ve been there and it was great to see him and his wife and the beautiful home they have made. I enjoyed hanging out with my four brothers. It’s not that often they are altogether. They are all so different. I had Asha for company from Melbourne as we travelled to and from her place together. It was great to have a bit of one on one time with her after all the bustle and coming and going of the week. I can’t help but admire her when I spend time with her.
Darin went to watch the start of the Sydney to Hobart but was disappointed by the weather conditions as they couldn’t get out. He arrived home today. It’s his birthday. I don’t envy him having a birthday on this date. Today we have just lay around watching DVDs. It was good to have a recovery day, but I couldn’t help feeling we should be celebrating his birthday in a more lively and social manner. This year he has supported my whole family in making our celebrations more memorable each of us in different ways. I did manage to cook dinner though and poke an abundance of those skinny candles into a cake for him. It was low key though. I did him another favour by not singing happy birthday to him. I know…kind!
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The Jolly Blur that has been this week
It’s hard to believe it’s less than a week since Asha’s 21st. What a packed week I’ve had! It’s all been lovely and I have seen most of the people I love this week. I miss Kate and Tom today, but had Tom here this time last week for the weekend, which almost makes up for it. I’ve had two phone conversations with Kate this week so that’s pretty good too for someone who lives in the UK. My brother Brendan is home from Darwin and Jane and Sam were here last weekend from WA, so these things have been the real gifts for me this week. Watching my daughter shine at her 21st and entertain all her family and friends with the beauty and grace she carries with her was also a priceless treat. I’ve had Darin by my side cooking, entertaining, cleaning up, holding me up when I’ve had a panic and just generally being rock solid there for me is worth more to me than I can say. I feel absolutely surrounded by goodness.
I received great stuff too, as you do at this time. I especially appreciated the camera from my parents. Darin and I bought a camera recently that has disappeared. I’ve really missed having a camera. I didn’t realise how much I would. I got it in time to capture some of the delight of Darin’s beautiful kids opening their presents today and the smiles and glee at playing with all their new toys. I’m not going to list all the other lovely things.
I’m off to bed, full of gratitude for all I have in my life. I hope all readers have had a safe and lovely festive season.
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Spoilt
Friday I had a bit of a meltdown and felt overwhelmed with what seemed like too many different emotions to even be able to say what was wrong. I went home. Darin listened patiently as I spewed out all the major and minor upsets I was feeling and to be honest some of them were really random. I love the way he listens. I had a visit from Rhonda and I vented a little more. Then I slept all afternoon. The kids were here for the weekend and as soon as they arrived I walked to the park with them and was in the moment for what felt like the first time in ages. For dinner I was treated to a delicious beef and vege pie, with the most divine strawberry crepes for desert, all homemade and just what I needed.
This weekend has been gentle. Ashleigh visited and it felt great to hug her finally for her 21st. I chatted with Jane on Saturday night. I even spoke with Tom in the wee hours this morning after receiving a random text message from him! We played games and watched Christmassy DVDs with the kids. We put up the Christmas tree. I’ve had good long sleeps and yummy food and been with people I love. I have two days of school left and then I will do what I want to do for Asha’s 21st party, clean the house, organise Christmas and just generally and calmly get around to handling all the things that are on my mind.
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Last Teaching Day at Junior Campus
The year 9s finished today and it went well enough. I start tomorrow working with the admin team at the new campus so I won’t be farewelling the rest of the school. It happened so quickly in the end. As it usually does in a big rush where only the important and urgent things got done. I am so tired at the moment and a bit sooky as well.
I feel like I’ve barely seen Darin this week and I miss him. It’s my daughter’s birthday tomorrow. She will be 21. I can’t believe I’ve had 21 years with her. Her party isn’t for another 10 days, so it’s great I will be finished school and get a chance to do the things I want to do to celebrate her on that night. I wish I could see her tomorrow, but we are both working and she is hours away and we can’t even get each other on the phone right now! I haven’t seen my parents since my birthday and that was brief and my dad was out! I am missing my loved ones.
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