Flighty Spring Please Arrive On Schedule
Spring is a bit of a temperamental season. We have lots of wind here and some rainy days mixed in with those lovely promising days. Tomorrow the calendar tells me it begins. I am ready. I was itchy and my eyes were watery this morning. I haven’t had allergies in spring before, but if that’s what it takes to get closer to summer: I still say bring it on. I love getting home in the daylight, even when I have had to endure a meeting.
My mum and dad head back to their ‘winter’ holiday tomorrow. There is a lot coming up and I expect to fly towards the holidays. Tom will be home for a week before that. Life is good.
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Jetstar Not Working
I have been trying for the past couple of days to book a flight for Tom home from Hamilton Island with Jetstar. After shopping around the websites for the best match (direct, $$$, times), I found their flights to be a perfect fit. I just can’t get past the passenger details page. It’s very annoying. I’ve even sent a customer service email… still not working.
The astrologers are mentioning an impending Mercury retrograde and recommending computer backups and so forth. Perhaps this is the first sign for me.
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Pyjama’s, Cancerian’s and Babies
Today I put my pj’s under my pillow after I made my bed. I’m sure I haven’t done that since I was a kid. I was actually amused when I thought about how I’d done it when I was a kid and then not ever since I left home. They have usually been left on the floor or draped across the bed, on the bathroom floor etc. It’s not a bad idea… I get it now! I asked Darin if he did the PJ’s under the pillow thing when he was a kid and yes he did too. Did you?
I visited one of my Cancerian friends tonight. I have decided that my female cancerian friends have more power tools than most men I know. They are capable around the home and can achieve any home improvement project with apparent ease. Not only are they the caretakers of their family but their homes as well. They can certainly do it themselves. I am always well fed in their homes and comfortable to be me.
My weekend has been great so far. On Friday we got the good news about mum’s tests and I think that has really topped everything else off. My kids have a new sister. It has created huge excitement. Amelie was born on Tuesday. It was kind of weird for me. How do you behave when your ex husband has a new baby. I swung between absolute excitement for my children and reminding myself that it was none of my business really. A big part of me wanted to rush out to the hospital and have a cuddle of my kids new sister… but really that’s probably not appropriate. It would be imposing I imagine. I am really happy for Shane and Di though. I know they will enjoy her and she will be a celebrated addition to the family.
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If you leave me, can I come too?
Tom went today. He’s flying back to the tropical paridise he calls home early in the morning and staying with Asha tonight. He was very happy to be going too. He wrote on his blog (that has been VERY neglected whilst he’s been up there) that he has promised himself not to return in winter again. That, I must say is just rubbing it in! His braces however mean he will probably have to. I’m guessing he won’t stay as long though. I could tell he was itching to get back there. I am happy for him, but I wonder if I shouldn’t try life in a warmer climate. Only kidding, I’m very happy here with my seasons:-)
I went back to school in a bit of a numb state and was glad to hear the bell go at the end of the day. I have come home and completed a fair bit of stuff that I had neglected while he was here. I think by the end of the week my varied climate life will have returned to it’s natural order.
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He’s Home
I’m feeling unprofessional this week. Tom is home and I really can’t concentrate properly on being a teacher. I want to be home with him every minute of my day. I want to rush out of meetings and I feel annoyed with anyone who asks an additional question that could perhaps hold the meeting up a minute or two. I really don’t want to be there.
I collected him from the airport this time. Bad move. The overwhelmed tears I usually shed in the privacy of my home were spilled out at the airport. It was so great to hug him. We chatted all the way home. It’s been so lovely to see him for the past few days. He hasn’t gone out as much as he usually does when he’s home. We’ve had meals together. We went to the place Darin works last night and it was really yum. He’s really feeling the cold. He’s shopping and sleeping, catching up on the things he misses out on at Hamilton Island I guess.
I think he is intensely happy there. He talks about his friends and the things they do with a light in his eyes that I recognise as good. His people from Hamo call him and his face lights up. He leaves me tomorrow to return to those good times and I am happy for him that he has found a place where he can thrive.
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Fridge Full
Darin has the weekend off and the kids are here. It’s been a while since he’s been home for the weekend. He has cooked here this afternoon and my fridge is now bulging with yummy food and my stomach is full of dinner that was amazing.
My parents took off today on their winter escape. It’s great to seeing them enjoy this lifestyle. I slept in this morning and thought I had missed them, but luckily bumped into them in the supermarket.
I feel full of gratitude for my life today. This afternoon was a beautiful sunny autumn one and all the huge trees around were showing their colours. The air and light in autumn inspires contentment in me. The kids were playing happily and I got a wonderful text message from Tom. These are the days:-)
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Happy Birthday Tom!
My son is 20 today. I don’t get to see him which is a pity, but when I talked to him today he thanked me for having him because he loves his life. That makes me feel really good. He also gave me some other good news but I’m not sure if I can release it yet. One of his close mates has flown up to Hamilton Island for the weekend so he has days off to celebrate. It took a lot of willpower to resist getting on a plane and going there myself. Last we spoke there were big party plans so I figured I probably would just feel frustrated at not getting to spend enough time with him myself and managed to control my longing to see him.
I can’t believe it’s been 20 years. It’s flown! I can’t imagine my life without him. He has brought such bliss and fun to my life. So many happy memories. I miss him so much, yet I know he’s in a good place and it gives me more joy knowing that, than it would if we were living together still and arguing about mess and noise. An occasional visit to exchange hugs, news, laughs, music and other important finds is probably a good space to be in at this stage of our lives. I have to be realistic. Gosh I would love to hug him today though!
I did enjoy this photo of him and Meagz… they look so happy and well!
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Ah Friday already….
The brilliant aftermath of the long weekend is the short week following.
This week was busy. I wasn’t expecting it. It was productive busy though and that makes all the difference. Darin’s treacle tart that I had for morning tea each day this week also helped 
.
The memorable moments of this week were many. I felt affirmed seeing photos of my son and receiving reliable reports that he’s healthy and doing well on Hamo. I enjoyed the greeting from Darin’s kids when they arrived tonight. They are so affectionate and excited to be here, it’s such a gift to me. A student who was away sick emailed me the assignment on the due date. I hate to be cynical, but usually if a student is absent on a due date… they are at home doing the assignment! Not that I am a big deadline person. In fact I am probably too flexible as a teacher with due dates for assignments. I have always found inflexibility to be an inhibitor. This student thanked me because they enjoyed the assignment. Not an everyday occurence. I had a student tell me she got her licence and got to relive with her that exquisite feeling of freedom and power that moment in time brings… I’ve never taught her, but have managed to develop a relationship through yard duties and as a co-ordinater. I had a student I taught last year at the junior campus greet me with such enthusiam! that I missed the place, for a minute, even though I am so happy where I am. The power of relationship building! To teach in a community I am familiar with is a gift. I know students parents and grandparents and Aunties and Uncles and brothers and sisters. It adds meaning to our relationships and helps to know and understand all kinds of differences that others can’t discern.
Someone said to me today it’s good my kids got out of here. I agree. I was in a big rush to do that when I was at that age and I was away for a total of 12 years…. off and on. I am so glad to live here now though. I love where I live. I love that I know a reasonable part of my community. I enjoy not having to line up with strangers(at least you can catch up with peoplein the queue at the supermarket). I realised today in a discussion with a new teacher, how much easier it is for me. There is a richness in long term relationships, whatever the nature, that is enriching.
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Blissful Weekend
Just when I thought winter had crept in, this weekend was a sunny, welcome one. It kick-started for me on Friday when Asha surprised me at school bringing a box of delicious muffins for me for lunch. I got to show her my new office and we caught up. She popped around after school and I am really pleased she is going to be around for a couple of weeks while she does her placement here.
Darin got home early so we had a great Friday night together. The kids came Saturday morning and I have enjoyed their company for the weekend. I love hearing them talk to their nanny in Sydney on Skype. Technology is so fantastic for keeping people in touch. We went to the park and enjoyed the weather. We fed the ducks and they had another fish, this time no carps lost their lives. It brightens my time having these three little people around with their unique personalities.
I talked to Tom tonight. He sounds well. I saw some photos on facebook taken by one of his friends who went to visit. I miss him. This is probably the longest time I have gone without seeing him. He won’t be home till after his birthday now.
This week will be busy. We have a Marist basketball carnival at school so there will be plenty on. I feel very happy at work now. I got a laptop from school on Thursday. Now I can leave mine at home and not have to lug one around as much. I think the improvement in technology at school has also added to my enjoyment. I have been waiting for this for so long. On Friday one of my students created an excellent documentary for his Local History project. It excites me to think what they will be able to do now they have the tools. I think there is greater independence and engagement in their learning.
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Small children, small problems
I remember when my kids were little. I was tired. The sleeplessness blew everything out of proportion and I felt my life was over at times. In all seriousness, it was never going to be the same again, so I was partly on to what was going on! Many of the older wiser people around me would say to me small kids, small problems. My pa, my dad and my elderly neighbour Laurie I remember clearly, saying this to me. I felt like screaming at the time. I felt unravelled and as though they had no idea. Now I can see what they mean.
Tonight I collected the kids while Darin was at work. The middle child, E (5) has started school this year and she was obviously overtired (almost the end of first term) and upset when her mum left her with me at Karate, which is J (8)’s new activity. My own experience with my kids told me that it would be fleeting and I was ok with it. I couldn’t help but feel for her mum though. I remember clearly that separation stuff. It felt so heartbreaking to leave a crying child, begging for you to stay. It happened at childcare, at the start of school for one of my children and sometimes when they went to thier dad’s or when they were coming back to me from thier dad’s. It was hard. Now it is me doing the crying as I wave goodbye to my ‘adult’ child.
When your kids are small, they wear you out. You worry about all kinds of things. It is nothing compared to the powerlessness of having adult children. I miss them. I am proud of them. Even when they are home, it will never be the same. I will never sleep that sleep knowing they are safe in thier beds, no matter how tiring the day has been or how late it was when they eventually got there.
I enjoy being able to put a smile on Darin’s kids’ faces with a chocolate or a trip to McDonalds. It’s still tiring, but I have perspective now and it makes all the difference. I love and appreciate the simple things like kissing a hurt better, a tickle or a rhyme to light up a small chocolate stained face. Tonight we watched ‘Free Willy 3′ …ah the memories…. and they are not so big they scoff at me shedding a tear:-).
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